Some people say that punishment is the best way to teach children to behave well, while others disagree and point out that rewarding and praising them is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Although

a number of individuals

believed

Wrong verb form

believe

show examples

youngsters should be penalized for their wrong behaviour, others are of contrary opinion.In my opinion, I agree with the view that they should be disciplined for bad attitudes as

this

will help to instil good attitude into them and

also

make them change speedily On the one hand , a reasonable number of individuals believe that rewards and

praises

Fix the agreement mistake

praise

show examples

are more beneficial. They believe

this

will motivate them to deviate from bad acts rather than when children are being punished. Moreso, they think

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

that are rewarded perform better in a given task than those that are scolded .

For example

Change preposition

in A

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

research that was carried out in a primary school in Lagos ,it was reported that 80% of juveniles that were appreciated were outstanding in their performances as opposed to those that were punished.

However

, despite the

benefits

Add a comma

benefits,

show examples

I completely disagree with

this

view, as it is not an effective method of discipline

On the other hand

, some people think and I agree that young ones should be admonished for wrong deeds .

This

is because by doing so,it will instil discipline into them .

In other words

, they will be able to differentiate between right and wrong behaviour and make them desist from negative deeds.

For instance

, A recent report in

magazine

Correct article usage

a magazine

show examples

stated that 70% of youngsters scolded for behaving wrongly always have a change of attitude so that they

wont

Add an apostrophe

won't

show examples

be reprimanded again .

In addition

, if kids are given punishment they will adopt good manners at a very fast speed other than rewarding them .

Therefore

, young children should be penalized for their incorrect ways in order to make them adopt good habits. In conclusion, some individuals believe that young ones should be disciplined for their bad manners

while

others feel they should rather be acknowledged .In my opinion, I totally agree with the view that they should be rebuked for their

grevious

Correct your spelling

grievous

actions as

this

will make them deviate from wrong ways and learn positive attitude quickly.

Submitted by Abiodun on Sun Jun 06 2021

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Task achievement

The essay does not fully address the task prompt or develop ideas coherently, and examples are not always relevant. The introduction and conclusion are present, but need improvement.

Coherence and Cohesion

The logical structure needs improvement, and the use of cohesive devices is inconsistent. The essay lacks coherence and could benefit from better organization of ideas.

Lexical resource

The essay shows a limited range of vocabulary and lacks variety in expression. There are also instances of inappropriate word choices and collocations. Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and appropriate language.

Grammatical range

There are frequent grammar errors throughout the essay, including verb tense usage, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Aim for greater accuracy in grammar and develop more complex sentence structures.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

332 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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