Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #education #classes #curriculum #children #time #subjects

There is a belief that Physical Education

classes

should be held as a necessary part of

school

Add an article

the school

a school

show examples

programme for all

children

However

, it is

also

claimed that

children

should better focus on academic lessons during

school

time

To begin

with, some people think that

classes

should be voluntary

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because

school

is supposed to give

knowledges

Change the wording

knowledge

pieces of knowledge

bits of knowledge

show examples

related to academic subjects only.

Children

can do sports outside their schools as they have much

time

after lessons.

Moreover

, nowadays

world's

Add an article

the world's

show examples

becoming more competitive, so there is a rising demand

Change preposition

for

show examples

specialists in different fields. Because of

Add a comma

,it

show examples

many people think that

school

faculties should concentrate on subjects

such

as science, maths and language much more than on

. I am convinced that

this

belief is reasonable, yet it still raises questions about

exclusion

Add an article

the exclusion

show examples

of non-academic

classes

On the other hand

, many parents and teachers all around the world suggest

to include

Change the verb form

including

show examples

Physical Education in the curriculum for all

school

students, because they lack exercises due to

sedentary

Correct article usage

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle caused by big amount of homework and playing video games. There are many obese

children

who refuse to do sports

regulary

Correct your spelling

regularly

and,

therefore

, have health problems.

Besides

, with rapidly developing cities, there is not so much

vast

Correct article usage

a vast

show examples

place for

children

to exercise. Safe and large

sporthalls

Correct your spelling

sport halls

sports halls

in schools are the best sports options for

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation living in the modern world. For these reasons, adults propose to hold obligatory

classes

in schools, and I agree with them if these

classes

don't take much

time

. All in all,

lessons are crucial in

school

education,

although

school

is a place to obtain academic

knowledges

Change the wording

knowledge

pieces of knowledge

bits of knowledge

show examples

. To my mind, a few mandatory

classes

involving physical activity should be included in order to let students

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

lead a healthy life and work on academic subjects at the same

time

Submitted by meruyet.zh on Mon Jun 07 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

302 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Language teachers should concentrate on giving positive feedback when students do good work, and teachers should never criticize bad work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Government should spend money on railway rather than roads .. to what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Some people think that success in life comes dom hard work and determination, while others think that there are more imrotant factors such as money and appearance.Discuss both views and give your opinion.