Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a belief that Physical Education
classes
should be held as a necessary part of
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
programme for all
children
.
However
, it is
also
claimed that
children
should better focus on academic lessons during
school
time
.
To begin
with, some people think that
PE
classes
should be voluntary
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
school
is supposed to give
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
related to academic subjects only.
Children
can do sports outside their schools as they have much
time
after lessons.
Moreover
, nowadays
world's
Add an article
the world's
show examples
becoming more competitive, so there is a rising demand
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
specialists in different fields. Because of
it
Add a comma
,it
show examples
many people think that
school
faculties should concentrate on subjects
such
as science, maths and language much more than on
PE
. I am convinced that
this
belief is reasonable, yet it still raises questions about
exclusion
Add an article
the exclusion
show examples
of non-academic
classes
.
On the other hand
, many parents and teachers all around the world suggest
to include
Change the verb form
including
show examples
Physical Education in the curriculum for all
school
students, because they lack exercises due to
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle caused by big amount of homework and playing video games. There are many obese
children
who refuse to do sports
regulary
Correct your spelling
regularly
and,
therefore
, have health problems.
Besides
, with rapidly developing cities, there is not so much
vast
Correct article usage
a vast
show examples
place for
children
to exercise. Safe and large
sporthalls
Correct your spelling
sport halls
sports halls
in schools are the best sports options for
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation living in the modern world. For these reasons, adults propose to hold obligatory
PE
classes
in schools, and I agree with them if these
classes
don't take much
time
. All in all,
PE
lessons are crucial in
school
education,
although
school
is a place to obtain academic
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
. To my mind, a few mandatory
classes
involving physical activity should be included in order to let students
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
lead a healthy life and work on academic subjects at the same
time
.
Submitted by meruyet.zh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: