Some people believe that individuals are responsible for their own personal happiness . Others argue that happiness can be affected by other factors . Discuss both views and give your opinion .

#people #individuals #happiness #factors

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Although

Linking Words

few

people

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thinks

Change the verb form

think

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that

happiness

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depends on own self, Others believe it comes

Change preposition

from

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other factors. I propound that, with the high standard

life

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people

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can live more happily. Enjoyment plays an essential for all human's

life

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. A good reason to live

happy

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a happy

show examples

life

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is that if

people

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live with a positive attitude. At present,

people

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are living with

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

stress and tensions due to their workloads and personal issues but if

people

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always think in a positive way so it can be

benificial

Correct your spelling

beneficial

to live

depressed

Add an article

a depressed

show examples

free

life

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For instance

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, due to pandemic all peoples mind are disturbed and have fear about it but positive thinking is

Change the article

the

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best solution which provides relaxation to

mind

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the mind

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and removes fear as well. Another part to consider is that there are several factors

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

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affect

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

human

happiness

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Firstly

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the

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apply

show examples

money

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is a major factor that influences

people

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’s

happiness

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Money

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can fulfil their needs and

also

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can provide

high

Add an article

a high

show examples

standard of

life

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which all humans want to live.

For example

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, to come out from stress and burdens

people

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prefer to travel to different places and without

money

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it is impossible.

Secondly

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, family emotions are

also

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important. If all family members are living happily together so with their positive vibes

people

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can give

tough

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a tough

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fight to the hard situations. In conclusion,

happiness

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must

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a must

show examples

for all humans. Not only positive thinking but other factors like

money

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and high standard

are

Change the verb form

also provides

show examples

also

Linking Words

provides

happiness

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. I personally believe that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

with

Use synonyms

money

Add a comma

,money

show examples

everyone can live a very

happily

Replace the word

happy

show examples

life

Use synonyms

Submitted by shubhampatel19021 on Mon Jun 07 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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Some people believe that individuals are responsible for their own personal happiness . Others argue that happiness can be affected by other factors . Discuss both views and give your opinion .

Fully explain your ideas

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishments. To what extent do you agree

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that handwriting is no longer useful in the modern world and should not be taught in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?