IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Today digital technology allows people to share all aspects of their lives on social media. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#technology #people #aspects #lives #media #development
Recently, globalization has been attended by societies and
people
's lives can be indicated in social media by using technology that in my opinion , it would be as merit . In the following essay , the reason for my agreement with
this
 idea and its disadvantage will be discussed. The cause of having a positive view about sharing
life
 events by using
electronic
Add an article
the electronic
show examples
 gadget in social networks would be despite the fact that there are distances between families and relationships , they can be familiar with each other whenever they intend. ,
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 if
people
 visit each other , it will make them more happy and satisfied .
For instance
 , a person who studies abroad can not show her feelings and energy to her family unless by sending or outing bar photo
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media .
Therefore
 as the result of modern devices , the public is able to illustrate their times and lives to friends and other
people
 that creates a pleasant satisfaction and a positive influence on
people
life
 . Declining calmness and tranquillity would be the only drawback of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sharing our
life
 with others by technology.
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
 , our
life
 aspects can be as a
privet
Correct your spelling
private
show examples
 information .
Also
 , the more information we share with others , the more abusing of us will happen .
For example
 , it is reported from news in the world that amount of
cyber criminals
Correct your spelling
cybercriminals
show examples
 have been increased because of
abusing
Change the form of the verb
abuse
show examples
 from the
publics
Correct your spelling
public
show examples
 data and photos which are shown on the online network wandering
such
 as Instagram .
Therefore
 , indicating aspects of our lives in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media will be a case of abusing and it will heart to our mental safety and tranquillity. In conclusion , in my
veiw
Correct your spelling
view
,
however
 some crimes in the technological world and sharing
life
 in the
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 would hurt to our calmness , it has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
positive
effectiveness
Replace the word
effects
show examples
 on
people
 satisfaction in their
life
 by observing their families and friends when it is impossible to see them face to face.
Submitted by z.noori347 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: