IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some people think that the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, many other people believe that other measures will be needed.

#crimes #year #people #death #penalty #deterrent #measures
Every year, it is increasingly popular that the number of
crimes
 committed. From my perspective, I would argue that there are some benefits of using other punishments for
crimes
.
Although
, it is believed by some that the
death
penalty
also
 will deter them. On the one side, there are some plausible explanations as to why the usage of the
death
penalty
 will cause a strong impact on other
crimes
.
To begin
 with,
this
penalty
 will make them scared.
In other words
, due to the fact that the majority of them frightened of
death
, it is evident that they won't illegally make anything.
Therefore
, the quantity of
crimes
 is increasing more and more.
On the other hand
, I believe that there are some advantages of using lighter punishments.
Firstly
, society has more marvellous residents. It means that when they receive these punishments, they can learn varieties of lessons from their faults.
Therefore
, they can become good citizens until their
penalty
 ends.
Secondly
, it is advantageous for the prisons to have more labourers.
In other words
, the number of
crimes
 increases dramatically simultaneously with assisting the prisons to have workers who work volunteer activities like digging up, growing plants..... In conclusion, it is understandable why numerous individuals think that there is a deterrent to using the
death
penalty
 for
crimes
. To my mind, it is better for society to reduce
this
 punishment.
Submitted by letrungthanh2002 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: