More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Human beings have many problems, but one of the new ones might be the overweight of
children
.
Although
there was
a
Change the article
an
show examples
issue with malnutrition in the past, the opposite is happening now in the developed nations. In the following essay, I would argue the reasons and consequences of the issue of obesity of
children
in developed nations.
First
of all, the cause is that they intake nutrients exceedingly. As technology has been developed rapidly,
productivity
Add an article
the productivity
show examples
of workers raised significantly.
Thus
, they began to produce more and more and
this
leads to over intake of nutrients for kids.
For example
, unlike individuals in the previous world
ate
Correct pronoun usage
who ate
show examples
fruits and vegetables harvested
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their own farm, people recently tend to choose
mass produced
Add a hyphen
mass-produced
show examples
junky fast foods
such
as hamburgers or hotdogs. To sum up, the trend of mass manufacturing and consumption is leading to the circumstance.
Second
of all, the effects of
this
phenomenon are problematic in several ways. It leads
children
to be lifestyle diseases in the future. Since heart attack or stroke are because of obesity,
children
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
overweight have a high possibility to suffer from those diseases. If
this
happens, not only the productivity decreases but
also
the life expectancy would be lower. As a consequence, the country will lose its vitality. In my conclusion, the trend of mass production and consumption let the youth
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
take too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
nutrients and leads to be overweight.
Furthermore
,
this
is unfavourable because it leads to
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
of the flourish of the nation.
Submitted by dokmally2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • processed foods
  • fast food culture
  • screen time
  • metabolic disorders
  • healthcare expenditure
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative strategies
  • nutritional education
  • public health policy
  • body mass index (BMI)
  • emotional well-being
  • stigmatization
  • exercise regimen
  • eating habits
  • junk food
  • socioeconomic factors
  • health literacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: