IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In developing countries, Some people believe that their government should introduce new technology to people in order to improve their quality of life. Others believe that offering free education would be more advantageous in the long term. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #government #technology #quality #life #education #term
In
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
show examples
fast
Add an article
the fast
a fast
show examples
 -paced world, many
people
 think that their
government
 should invent some new
technology
 to humans so they can improve their quality of
life
 but some other believe that
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 should provide
other offer
Change the wording
another offer
other offers
show examples
such
 as
education
 without any cost because they think it is more beneficial for
people
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 discussed these both views and my opinion in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs.
To begin
 with, at a present
time
,
technology
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 important part of everyone's
life
 .
People
 use immense of
technology
 in their daily
life
such
 as mobile phone,
mircowaves
Correct your spelling
microwaves
microwave
,computers and so on thinking of many
people
 that council should introduce advance
technology
 for
improvement
Add an article
the improvement
show examples
 of their
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
For instance
,if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
setup
Correct your spelling
set up
show examples
 gyms in public parks
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 that would be very beneficial for humans
life
 because some
people
 can't afford to go
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 public gyms but still they want to do exercise and live
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
life
. On
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 side, Thinking of some
people
 that they want free
education
 in their
liseure
Correct your spelling
leisure
lecture
time
also
 if
government
 provide
education
 without any cost it will be
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 good opportunity for fellow how are not able to go
school
Change preposition
to school
show examples
 and universities to get their
education
for example
 nowadays families are often more mobile they don't have enough
time
 for children to teach them about history so if
government
 give free
education
 about history its good for young generations. To conclude,in my view if organisations give new
technology
 like gyms its good for
people
 health and they enjoy their quality
time
 during exercise with their friends and family
also
 if
government
 provide free
education
its
Add the preposition
with its
show examples
 more beneficial for young children to get knowledge about their history. so these both options have different benefits.
Submitted by gurkiran24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: