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Writing Samples
Band 4

In modern society, fashion is becoming more and more popular in people’s choice of clothes. Why? Do you think it is positive development or negative development?

In today's contemporary world, styling is becoming increasingly influential in people's choice of clothing.
This
Linking Words
 will have a very appalling effect on society. In my opinion, I believe that
this
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 is a negative trait
to
Change preposition
for
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society. On the one hand, the styling trend will influence more teenagers. So many companies are hiring big celebrities like cricketers, film actors, Football players, etc.,
for endorsing
Change preposition
to endorse
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 their
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 in the market.
As a result
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, all adolescents have been attracted to the product because their favourite player or actor is suggesting
to
Correct word choice
that to
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 use it. All the youngsters try to buy them
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 as
all are not
Correct word order
not all are
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 equal in their economic standards,
so
Rephrase
apply
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many will not
able
Verb problem
be able
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 to afford
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
This
Linking Words
 will increase the disturbance in the socio-economic status of the people.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, as the fashion for modern
cloth
Use the right word
clothes
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 increases
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 traditional clothing business decreases. In India,
for example
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, the rate of traditional firms
have been
Wrong verb form
has
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 decreased to 10% from 45% over a period of 10 years
i.e.
Punctuation problem
, i.e.
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, from 2011 to 2020.
This
Linking Words
 is because most people are attracted to modern clothing because of its
comfortability
Check wording
comfort
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 and
easiness
Check wording
ease
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to
Change preposition
of
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 wear.
Furthermore
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, we even forget past
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
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 and cultures
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will just be seen in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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books and in museums after
some
Correct determiner usage
a
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 period of time.
In addition
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, parents will suffer a lot economically to buy modern clothing. In conclusion, one can say that society is affected very badly because of the increase in new trends in clothing.
However
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, we need to try to balance both
modernized
Change the spelling
modernised
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 clothing and traditional clothing.

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content
Be clear about your view at the start and stay with it. Add more strong reasons and a short plan to show reach.
coherence
Link ideas well. Use simple words and add connectors like also, but, however, for example to show how ideas go with one another.
content
Check the facts and use simple, everyday ideas. If you use a stat, make it clear or skip it. Give real but plain examples.
language
Fix grammar and keep to short, clear sentences. Avoid long, hard lines by using two short lines instead.
content
Clear stance against fashion pull.
structure
Intro, body, and conclusion are present.
content
Some real examples touch on the topic.
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