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Band 4.5

In some cultures,children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough . What is the advantages and disadvantage of giving children this message ?

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Introduction
In some cultures ,it is taught
children
Use synonyms
 that the more they try hard , the more they can be successful in reach their targets and everything that they want . In the following essay , the merit and drawback of
this
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 idea will be discussed .
Body paragraph 1
The positive points of nurture
children
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 to try more and more for their gold would be
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firstly
Replace the adverb
first
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, a positive influence on
children
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 feelings and appearing a satisfaction of
life
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 that makes them full of
life
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 and energy.Because if
children
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 achieve their targets by hardworking , their motivation for
life
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 will increase and
a
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apply
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satisfaction will appear in their
life
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 . Secondary ,not only are
children
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 satisfied with
life
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,
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apply
show examples
but
also
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 their skills and talents are discovered .
Moreover
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 , when people practice
to do
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doing
show examples
 something , they can realise that in which subject
have
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has
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 skills and continue them .
For instance
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 , if a son who struggles to play
a
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the
show examples
 guitar is not successful , he can change his major and discovers his ability in
the
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apply
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another instrument .
Also
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 , if the boy can be successful in playing guitar and music , he will be full of
life
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 and determination in his
life
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 .
Therefore
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, teaching
children
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 to be hard work to earn their favourite has a positive influence on their
life
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 .
Body paragraph 2
Creating depression
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
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 can be the power full disadvantage of
children
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 are lessened if they try hard, everything will be in their hands .
Furthermore
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 , it is
nature
Correct article usage
the nature
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 of human
life
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 that they can not achieve everything in the world even by abundant struggling .
Children
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 should be learned the broken is a part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
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.
Therefore
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 , if people try more to their favourites while they can not be successful it will hurt their emotions and they are depressed.
For example
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 , trying more to rich target is taught to a girl who is a
disable
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disabled
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 person and can not pain.So she paints and can not be good at it that hurts her feelings.
Conclusion
In conclusion ,
although
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, creating satisfaction of
life
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 and discovering
children
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 talents are the merits of telling
children
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 if they try more , they will be able to earn everything , there is a negative point
such
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 as depression because of broken in
this
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 way.

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Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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