IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

some parents believe that their children should do educational activities during their free time. Others say that in this way children are under pressure.

#parents #children #activities #time #pressure
Some fathers and mothers believe that their
kids
 should
user
Replace the word
use
show examples
 their spare
time
 to do useful activities, while others think that doing so will put high stress on their
kids
. In my opinion, youngsters
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a lot of free
time
 and parents must optimize it in the most beneficial way. On the one hand, some fathers refuse to sign up their boys in classes or activities that could benefit them because they think that their
kids
 should get free
time
 to rest after the efforts they put in schools and morning classes.
In addition
 to that, a kid can get attracted to
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
activity and
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
concentration in his studies, which cause him to
Replace the word
lose
show examples
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 marks at school.
For example
, a student joining a math activity and finds himself attracted to numbers, would find himself
loosing
Correct your spelling
losing
show examples
 passion for other subjects, and
therefore
 getting bad marks
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 class.
On the other hand
, other parents think that it is very important because boy and girls at
this
 age have a lot of spare
time
 and the best and effective way to use
this
time
 is to teach them new things that would help them build their personalities and benefit them in their studies and future.
For instance
, a mother can register her son in a foreign language class so that he can learn a new language that enables him to get to know and interact with other cultures when he grows up.
Moreover
, having children doing learning campaigns will help them socialize with other
kids
 of their ages and
therefore
 will improve their communication skills. To conclude, while some parents do not prefer to sign up their children for educational campaigns in their spare
time
, other, including myself, strongly believe that having
kids
 going educational activities is a must.
Submitted by on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: