IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that family has the strongest influence on a child’s development, while others believe that external factors such as television, friends and music play a big role. Discuss both views

#people #influence #child’s #development #factors #television #friends #music #role
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying that families play a vital role in a
child
Use synonyms
's life and their progress.
Although
Linking Words
 several folks consider that external factors
such
Linking Words
 as
Television
Use synonyms
 and
friends
Use synonyms
 have a tremendous impact on
child
Use synonyms
 development by developing certain
skills
Use synonyms
. I firmly believe that family still have more potential to influence their offspring growth. On the one hand, some people believe that
Television
Use synonyms
, songs and
friends
Use synonyms
 greatly influence
child
Use synonyms
 growth. Toddler spends most of the time watching
Television
Use synonyms
, and many educational
television
Use synonyms
 programs help them learn new
skills
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
:- There are preschool school programs available on
Television
Use synonyms
 helps to enhance learning ability and learn new words.
Moreover
Linking Words
, youngster spent most of their time with
friends
Use synonyms
 and friendship develops
skills
Use synonyms
 like teamwork, social
skills
Use synonyms
, and self-esteem.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, music helps them to stay calm and focused on their studies. On the flip side, the most common way children learn is by observation of everyday life. A
child
Use synonyms
 learning and socialization influenced by their family. Since the family is a primary school group for their offspring. Teenager development happens physically, mentally and emotionally during
this
Linking Words
 time. To exemplify:- It is scientifically proven that early years of infant life are paramount for later health and development.
Consequently
Linking Words
, even though factors external to the family have an impact on the
child
Use synonyms
 progress, the family has the most significant potential to turn a
child
Use synonyms
 to a well-behaved adult. To conclude, There is no doubt that external aspect
such
Linking Words
 as
Television
Use synonyms
, music and
friends
Use synonyms
 have a tremendous impact on the
child
Use synonyms
 personality. Still, family is the most prominent factor for their growth.
Submitted by skshikhakochar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: