Companies should encourage old employees (55 years old) to retire, in order to give opportunities to the new generation. Do you agree and disagree?

There is no doubt that retirement
age
is
controversial
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a controversial

The noun phrase controversial issue seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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issue in
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government

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goveronement
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the goveronement

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and
private
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the private

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sector.It is often argued that organisation has to promote retirement on the
age
of 55 to enhance youth career.
Although
,
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apply

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I
am agree
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agree

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that
youngster
will
work
with more
enthusiam
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enthusiasm

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However
, seniors would have
hands on
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hands-on

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experience.
To begin
with, youth are future of every nation as they are more
energatic
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energetic

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and motivated than seniors who spend
lot
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a lot

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of years on working
same
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the same

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task. Along with that, a modern person could
adapt
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adopt

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new technologies more
effeciently
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efficiently

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and can use his skills to
enhace
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enhance

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company business.
Moreover
, they are more innovative and healthy and could traverse overseas for
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on-field

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on
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apply

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field job.
For instance
:
There
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there

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are plenty of jobs
such
as Flight
attendent
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attendant
attended

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in which a person has to traverse all around the world and not considered suitable for
old
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an old

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person.
Therefore
, there
are
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is

The plural form of be are does not seem to agree with the singular subject numerous work field. Consider changing the verb form.

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numerous
work
field which is only suitable for
youngster
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the youngster
a youngster

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.
However
, we can
also
not deny that seniors are
vetrons
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veterans

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in their
work
and could help for
youngster
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the youngster
a youngster

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in
tough
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a tough
the tough

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time. A fresher can learn
alot
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a lot

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from an
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experienced

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experiences
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experienced

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worker. To illustrate take
example
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the example
an example

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of Bill gates. Despite
of
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apply

The preposition of after Despite may be unecessary. Consider removing the second preposition.

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his
age
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,age

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Despite of his age. Consider adding a comma.

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he is successfully running a computer company and
myriad
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a myriad

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of people
work
under him. So, We can say that
age
is just a number if you can
effeciently
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efficiently

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tackle any problems arise on
workstation
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the workstation
a workstation

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. To conclude,
Voluntering
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Volunteering

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retirement is
great
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a great

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idea for
encourging
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encouraging

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youngster
to
acheive
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achieve

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higher position
however
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,however

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, it must be an employee choice when he wants to set himself free from all duties.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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