IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people argue that historic buildings should be preserved in their original form. Others argue that this is both inadvisable and impossible. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #buildings #form
In the past few decades, there has been a profound increase in saving the ancient establishments in many countries. On one side of the spectrum, there are those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who that
show examples
 believe
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
historic buildings should be maintained in their original form.
However
, others, including myself, believe that it is highly impracticable to restore the ancient
structures
 and that
money
 should be spent
elsewhere
.
To begin
, there is an argument to be made that it is highly impossible to preserve ancient architecture in its original form
due to
 the unavailability of resources and cost. To illustrate, the authentic raw material used centuries ago is extremely difficult to find, many contractors use alternative forms of material which is more readily available. What is more, when the original resources are discovered, it is extremely costly to buy.
Furthermore
, the funding
that is
 used to restore the old
structures
 is taken from the taxpayers which many citizens oppose and believe, that
money
 can be used for better causes. Taking
this
 into consideration, it is not unreasonable to assume that
this
 is the reason many councils do not invest in preserving the ancient places
due to
 the high cost.
Nonetheless
, despite the obstacles
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 saving historic establishments, there is growing evidence that suggests if a country invests in protecting old
structures
, it will benefit the economy and save the culture. To exemplify, poor countries often splurge in preserving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
historic places as
this
 attracts tourists, which has a direct impact on the country's
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 growth, as tourists spend
money
 on local businesses.
Furthermore
, saving the original architecture educates future generations and holiday-makers about the historical heritage.
Hence
, if these points are taken into consideration,
then
 many governments will have a greater interest in preserving the ancient
structures
 whilst contributing to education and the economy.
To conclude
 from the aforementioned discussion,
while
 some are under the impression
that is
 justifiable to spend millions
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 preserving the old buildings, others, including myself, strongly believe the council should look into spending that
money
 on other causes affecting the people.
Submitted by mehulsharma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To achieve a higher score in Task Achievement, make sure your examples and explanations are detailed and directly relevant to your main points. Providing specific statistics or case studies can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
For higher coherence and cohesion, focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Transitional phrases can help to connect ideas more effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported, making your argument more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible connections
  • cultural heritage
  • architectural features
  • economically beneficial
  • safety regulations
  • environmental standards
  • functional facilities
  • significant alterations
  • integrating modern elements
  • extending lifespan and relevance
  • technical challenges
  • financially unfeasible
What to do next:
Look at other essays: