More and more fathers are taking break from their careers so that they can stay home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the family than having both parents work full time. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

Nowadays, the cost of living has increased to
such
an extent that working has become a necessity for
both
the parents in a family.
However
, at times
this
results in father and mother being unable to take out
time
for their children.
This
essay discusses whether
this
is a better solution or not followed by an opinion.
To begin
with, everything has become so costly these days that to fulfil the expenses related to education, travel and other things it is obligatory for
both
the ancestors to be a wage earner so that their kid gets a quality life.
For instance
, for admission of a student in a good school sometimes predecessor have to give
donation
Add an article
a donation
show examples
so
consequently
Add a comma
,consequently
show examples
both
of them have to continue their job to arrange funds.
Moreover
, the school fees
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
rocket high currently.
Therefore
, for a better upbringing of their
infant
Add a comma
,infant
show examples
it is somewhat mandatory for the couple to take employment full
time
.
On the contrary
, as guardians are not able to manage
time
for their youth it results in an invisible gap between them. Teenagers do not have their forerunner by their side at the
time
of need when
both
of them are performing.
This
has an adverse impact on their mind.
Although
, forbear struggle for the betterment of their son even
then
they cannot buy love and affection with the money they earn. The genitor should keep in mind that some things can never be replaced. If one of them takes a break from his career for taking care of their baby it would make a huge difference
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the life of their toddler. The offspring would become happy and satiated. In my opinion, the begetter should try to take
such
a job which helps them to take out
time
for the youngster as well. To exemplify, either of the birth
giver
Change to a plural noun
givers
show examples
can take a teaching job because it leaves a person with a lot of
spare
Correct your spelling
space
show examples
. To conclude, a juvenile is a priority of every pater. If they work for their adolescent only
then
they should be aware that it follows the same outcome
that is
,
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
of their minor.
Submitted by harsimrankaur2400 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays: