Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is no doubt that

music

has the power to unite

people

with various cultures and societies.

People

enjoy singing from every part of the world, and it speaks the same language, which embodies human emotion, joy, love and sorrow. I completely agree with the point of view and will give the reasons below.

Music

can certainly reach across national boundaries and bring

people

together, perhaps, the best example of

this

could be the GANGNAM STYLE song, the public who watched it more than four billion on the YouTube app from all around the world. Not only that but ,

also

when going to some new concerts you may find

this

song and family enjoy singing it whatever their ages and nationalities. For sure none of

this

could happen without soul . More than that ,

music

can help some developing countries which they can not find enough food. One of the best examples of

this

could be the LIVE AID Concerts which took place back in the 1999s and which broadcast to a global audience.

In addition

, two events were held at the same time one in the UK and the other in the US, and the objective was to raise funds for famine relief in Ethiopia. The concerts were a huge success both in the number of community around the world who watched and their impact on international awareness for famine.

Therefore

, I believe that

music

is the planet global language. In conclusion,

music

is unique in its ability to connect

people

together regardless of their ages, cultures and nationalities.

Submitted by ms.056 on Sat Jun 12 2021

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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