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Writing Samples
Band 7

Children these days spend a lot of time apart from their parents because in many homes, both parents work. What problems can be caused by this? What are some ways to support such children?

#children #time #parents #homes #work #support
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In modern society, it is commonly observed that many
children
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 spend an increasing amount of time away from their
parents
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 since both
parents
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 work. In
this
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 essay, the main
causes
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 of the phenomenon and possible solutions will be examined in turn.
To begin
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 with, there are some obvious
causes
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 of the issue. Being separated from their
parents
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 for much of the time can affect them mentally in a negative way.
For instance
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, Kids will have a limited number of people to communicate with in their daily lives. Interaction is an important part of healthy development, so emotional progress can be adversely impacted when
children
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 are left without
supervison
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supervision
. In fact, a study found that
children
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 who stay home without their
parents
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 are likely to exhibit negative social development by the time they reach the sixth grade. Even if they have a babysitter looking after them, they can develop extreme shyness, or
conversely
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, they can act out.
On the other hand
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, to alleviate the prevalent
causes
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 of
children
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 being apart from their
parents
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, The government
shloud
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should
 establish more facilities and after-school programs to keep
children
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 happy and safe.
For example
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, creating more supervised environments can give
children
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 a chance to do their homework, play games, and participate in a range of extracurricular activities with peers until their
parents
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 are able to pick them up.
As a result
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 of
this
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 innovative method, these facilities can help
children
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 to develop social skills.
This
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 is illustrated by the example of Korea where many working
parents
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 send their
children
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ro
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to
 after-school clubs, classes, and programs. There, they can take part in activities with their friends that enhance their ability to interact with others
while
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 boosting their
developmetn
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development
. In conclusion, the
causes
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 of the problem of being away from their
parents
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 can be sufficiently alleviated if the government should offer more childcare options to working
parents
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.
Submitted by jihyei0910 on

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coherence and cohesion
Try to maintain consistency in the structure of the essay. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and links clearly to the next one.
task achievement
Ensure your examples and arguments are more detailed to provide a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies problems and provides solutions, aligning well with the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through the argument.
task achievement
The essay uses specific examples to support the main points, enhancing the clarity and relevance of the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parental guidance
  • Behavioral problems
  • Mental health issues
  • Emotional support
  • Screen addiction
  • Academic performance
  • Parental supervision
  • Social skills development
  • Communication issues
  • Obesity
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