IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be c compulsory part of high school programme(for example working for charity ,improving the neighbourhood, teaching sports to younger children) To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #c #part #school #programme #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
Community services have a significant role in our
society
 and
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 development
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. For
this
 reason, it should be implemented as a mandatory subject in high schools.
This
 essay will discuss the benefits of social work and provide reasons that support why it should be implemented in secondary programs.
First
 of all, when communal work is taught at a young age, it will
creates
Change the verb form
create
show examples
 awareness and a sense of belonging and responsibility on teenagers towards their
society
. Participating in acts
such
 as helping
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
, tutoring kids or helping with the improvement of the place they live in, will give them a closer sight of what is needed to be done and how they can contribute as individuals through their jobs in the near future which
consequently
 will significate an upgrade of the life's quality and opportunities for all the individuals and an improvement of the
society
 they dwell in.
Secondly
, working to help their
society
 to evolve and become better will not only benefit others
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
it will
also
 increase the youngsters' self-
steem
Correct your spelling
esteem
 and self-perception since it grants them the opportunity of feeling useful as
human
Add an article
a human
show examples
 being and realize they and their actions play an important role in the world we all live in.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 a kid
that is
 feeling desvalorization due to external circumstances will now
persive
Correct your spelling
perceive
 himself as someone worthy
that is
 capable of helping other people to achieve their goals and improve their lives.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, Community service will
possitively
Correct your spelling
positively
 impact not only the
individials
Correct your spelling
individuals
 and
sociaty
Correct your spelling
society
that is
 receiving the help but
also
 the individuals who are providing the help.
That is
 why participating in activities
such
 as social work and extracurricular activities in which teenagers have the opportunity of getting
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 in tasks that
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
 to the improvement
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 their
society
 must be a mandatory requirement in all high schools curriculum.
Submitted by shirley_7mp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: