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Band 5

Some people think that it is necessary to use animals for testing medicine intended for human use , while other argue that it is cruel to do that . Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #animals #medicine
In the contemporary era, there is an argument over an issue
that
Correct word choice
apply
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certain individual argues that it is pivotal to
use
 wildlife creatures for human
use
 ,
whereas
 others claim that it is not a superior method and
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 some pity on
animals
 .
This
 essay will delve into both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contradictory views before reaching my personal perspective. On one hand, numerous individual thinks that it is the only way to render the best results on medical
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
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 and there is no alternative.
In other words
, myriad scientists
use
 the substitute for
this
 and they do not get the results they want .
Medical
Add an article
The medical
show examples
line
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lines
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 will never get advanced unless there
was
Wrong verb form
is
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test
Add an article
a test
show examples
 on
animals
.
For instance
, the headline in 'Moscow Time ' revealed that Germany is in the top position in the world in terms of the various
invention
Fix the agreement mistake
inventions
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 on drugs because they prefer to do
a
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apply
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test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
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 on
animals
 and do not
use
 any alternative.
Thus
 , we can say that fauna is indispensable for scientists. ,
However
Add a comma
However,
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 on
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand , the masses reckon that it is brutal on wildlife creatures. To explain it, since the diseases in our daily life have rocketed, researchers show an inclination towards
animals
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 paves the way
to
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for
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 the
to
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apply
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harmful chemicals
emit
Wrong verb form
emitted
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on
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into
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 their
body
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bodies
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.
Due to
this
 , a plethora of fauna species
percentage get
Verb problem
go
show examples
 extinct. If there is invention on
animals
 , it will not play a tremendous role in their life.
For example
,
according to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 survey by 'WHO' in Vietnam every ,year there is a lot of research on
animals
 and
this
result
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results
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 in negative
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
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 their life.
To conclude
,
although
 many folks believe that it is crucial to do invention on wildlife
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
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, I personally think that it has drawbacks on testing on fauna .
As many
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Many
show examples
 species get rare and have a dangerous impact on their health.
Submitted by Ganga Singh on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a logical flow throughout. Avoid redundant phrases and ensure each point follows smoothly from the previous one.
task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
general
Work on grammatical accuracy, as there are several minor errors that disrupt the reading flow. Pay attention to plural forms and article usage.
general
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to make your writing more varied and engaging.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced approach to discussing the topic.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay and clearly states what you will discuss.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint and the arguments presented.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • **Medical Advancements**: Progress in medical science through research and innovation.
  • **Efficacy**: The ability to produce a desired result or effect.
  • **Protocol**: Established procedures and guidelines.
  • **Cruelty**: Causes of suffering or pain deemed inhumane and unnecessary.
  • **Moral Responsibility**: The duty to behave ethically and considerately towards others.
  • **Synthetic Tissues**: Artificially created tissues used for research purposes.
  • **Viable Alternatives**: Practical and acceptable substitutes.
  • **Inhumane**: Lacking compassion and causing suffering.
  • **Stakeholders**: Individuals or groups with an interest or concern in a particular issue.
  • **Complex Biological Systems**: Intricate structures and functions of living organisms.
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