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Band 6

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility
Childhood
obesity
, a typical sign of deteriorating public health has recently become a major concern. Regarding
this
, some have a belief that governments should take specific actions in order to improve theirs.
However
, I advocate the view that governments should not be the only one that takes responsibility for combat the
childhood
obesity
 crisis. The role of a competent and responsible
government
 makes sure the well-being of citizen. As there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 any serious threat to people, an example of
childhood
obesity
, the
government
 should the
first
 people who are recognized/acknowledge dangers, introduce solutions and out and put into practice.
Nonetheless
, to encourage regular exercise and a healthy diet, I doubt if the
government
 can have any
further
 roles to play. The duty to combat
childhood
obesity
 should not fall on the
government
 on grounds that
parent
, a numerous reasons, often have more compacts on children’s unhealthy life.
To begin
 with, an obese child normally is malnourished in that they did not receive appropriate nutrients from their foods,
this
indicate
Change the verb form
indicates
show examples
 poor food choice of their
parent
.
This
 reality
also
 exposes that their
parent
 can directly influence their healthy improvement by choosing healthy eating that contains less sugar and fat.
In addition
,
obesity
also
 is a lack of physical activities.
This
 can be exemplified by a sedentary lifestyle favoured by a plethora of young
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
. In fact, the
parent
 is the one person who either can encourage or force their children to do more physical as well as exercise.
Government
 should completely do whatever they can in order to curb
obesity
Correct article usage
the obesity
show examples
 epidemic,
although
 their effects are so small.
Besides
, I am convinced that the parents of
childhood
obesity
 are to blame,
therefore
, they must take responsibility for their children's unhealthy situations.
Submitted by lamnq77 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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