IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
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Many individuals do not
Correct your spelling
work out
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workout
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work out
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 or play, any
sports
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 due to
busy
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a busy
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 schedule or despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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having
time
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.
Lack
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 of
exercise
Use synonyms
 results in many problems related to mental and physical health. In
this
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essay
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,essay
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 I will analyse and discuss the reasons and possible solutions to overcome these issues.
Firstly
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, working professionals have
very
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a very
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 busy schedule, they usually start working at around 9 o'clock in the morning and finishes very late at around and 8 o'clock in the evening.
For example
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, software engineers, police, doctors and bankers have extended working hours and don't have enough
time
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 for any recreational activities.
Consequently
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,
this
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 leads to many mental and physical problems. One of the
solution
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solutions
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 to the problem is to maintain a rooster. Maintaining
rooster
Correct article usage
a rooster
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,
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apply
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 helps to manage
time
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 effectively and efficiently, and
therefore
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 they can spare few moments for
exercise
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.
Secondly
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, despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
having
time
Use synonyms
 many individuals do not
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
 due to
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of knowledge. Many
people
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 do not
exercise
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 as they do not have any idea about
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 lifestyle.
For instance
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, individuals
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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who
are have
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have
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 their own business or work for government offices do not
exercise
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 due to
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of knowledge about
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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life style
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lifestyle
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.
Thus
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 they end up having an unhealthy life. Educating
people
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 or
awareing
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awarding
warning
aware
 them
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the benefits of
exercise
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 can push them towards
sports
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. If
people
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 are aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the benefits of
exercise
Use synonyms
, they will engage in themselves recreational activities and enjoy
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 and better life. In conclusion, working professionals do not
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
 due to their busy schedule or because of
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of knowledge. They either do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 for
exercise
Use synonyms
 or are not aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the benefit of
sports
Use synonyms
. One of the
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 is
maintain
Fix the infinitive
to maintain
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daily
Add an article
a daily
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 routine for better
time
Use synonyms
 management.
Further
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 educating and
awaring
Correct your spelling
awarding
warning
people
Use synonyms
 about the advantage of recreational activities can involve them in
sports
Use synonyms
 and
thus
Linking Words
 can solve various health problems.
Submitted by sharmakamal1123 on

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
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