IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extend do you agree or disagree

#people #prison #citizens #teenagers #dangers #crime
In
this
 ,essay we are going to discuss if is good for teenagers to receive talks about the dangers of committing a crime from
people
 that have been in prison.
Firstly
, I think that these ex-convicts that have turned into good
people
 will try to do their best in teaching the students why they have to avoid illegal situations.
Secondly
, these
people
 that want to show the dangers of breaking the law will know better what are the risks because they had experienced
this
. With
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 I mean that they can tell what are the reasons that usually push someone to do these crimes. Apart from their personal stories they probably have met more
people
 that were in similar situations but had a different ending
this
 can be very good to show the teenagers that breaking the law may end in the worst possible way.
Also
, for the students is good to see that when their parents or teachers advise them to avoid
this
 dangerous life is for a good reason and they can see what can happen to them.
On the other hand
, these
people
 are not trained to teach so maybe they don't know how to tell what are the dangers. So I am of the opinion that bringing
people
 that have committed crimes to talk what are the risks of not follow the law is the best way to convince them.
Submitted by alvarobsaavedra on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: