IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You currently work full-time in a company but would like to change to working part-time. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter explain why you would like to change to working part-time work say what times and days of the week would suit you best suggest how your work could be covered or completed if you work part-time

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Dear sir I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to request to change
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my
working
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
 to part-time
work
Use synonyms
. I am an employee of a data designer. I
am doing
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in your office
last
Linking Words
 3 years. Now, I have
taken
Verb problem
been
show examples
admission
Replace the word
admitted
show examples
 to Harvard College in a web designing course.
This
Linking Words
 is a
one year
Add a hyphen
one-year
show examples
 course.
This
Linking Words
 course will help me to promote myself to a higher position at your workplace. My classes will be from next Monday in the morning. I request you to change my time from 3,00
pm
Use synonyms
 to 7.00
pm
Use synonyms
 on weekdays and 9.00
pm
Use synonyms
 to 11.00
pm
Use synonyms
 on weekends. I know your
work
Use synonyms
 will not affect my studies. I will manage my
work
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the free lecture or during the lunch break at
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
. I always keep my laptop with me so I can manage it. I am looking forward to hearing from you as soon. Yours sincerely Raja

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task achievement
Clarify your intention by including a specific request in the introduction to change to part-time work.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs each focus on a single idea, such as separating the reasons for changing to part-time and the suggested work coverage.
task achievement
Adjust the formal tone slightly; phrases like 'I request you to' can be more politely stated as 'I would appreciate it if you could'.
task achievement
You clearly stated your reason for wanting to change to part-time work, which is very important.
task achievement
You provided specific times for your availability, showing consideration for scheduling needs.
coherence and cohesion
Your closing is polite and appropriately formal, maintaining the standards of a business letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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