Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their time?

Play is an important part of Kid's life. Giving too much free
time
to children is not tolerated by some people. Depriving them
from
Change the preposition
of

The preposition from after the verb Depriving may be incorrect. Consider changing it to another preposition.

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sports or enjoying free
time
will affect their
development
as a whole. In
this
essay, I will throw some light on the way
kids
should spend their
time
. As you know, most
of
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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parents
Add an article
the parents

The phrase most of parents may require the use of the article the. Consider inserting the before the noun in your sentence.

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are working and are having less
time
for
kids
Correct pronoun usage
their kids

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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.
Kids
always feel safe and free along with their
parents
. Group of people believe that giving too much free
time
will affect the personal
development
of
child
Add an article
the child
a child

The noun phrase child seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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. Rather, they should spend
time
on studies
instead
of games. Playing sports help in kid's brain
development
and makes them competitive. Of course, too much play is harmful and non-productive. Some part of day's
time
must
be spend
Change the verb form
be spent

It appears that the form of the verb spend does not work with be in this sentence.

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on
school
's
work
. I strongly believe that excessive involvement of
kids
in completing
school
Correct your spelling
homework

The word home work seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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home
Correct your spelling
homework

The word home work seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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work
is too boring for
kids
, rather dangerous. In my opinion, Children should spend half of their after
school
's
time
in
class
Correct your spelling
classwork

The word class work seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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work
and
Correct article usage
the other

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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other
Change the wording
another

The adjective other appears to be modifying the singular noun half. Consider making a change.

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half in playing or doing some pleasure
work
. It will keep
parents
satisfied and happy.
This
will enhance the
mind
Replace the word
mental

The word mind doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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development
of the children as a whole.
Also
, that will make them healthy and energetic. Teachers will
also
feel happy after seeing the
Correct your spelling
homework

The word home work seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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home
Correct your spelling
homework

The word home work seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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work
. They will learn punctuality, discipline and honesty in
profession
Correct pronoun usage
their profession

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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later in life. In conclusion, Both play and
work
should go together
iin
Correct your spelling
in

The word iin is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

any child's life for his brain and mind
development
.
Besides
the cooperation of
school
Add an article
the school

The noun phrase school seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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,
parents
also
has
Change the verb form
have

The singular verb has does not appear to agree with the plural subject parents. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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equal
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility

The word responsibilty is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

in fulfiling
this
target.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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