IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many developing countries, there is an increasing movement of workers from rural areas into the cities. why do you think this happens? What problems can this cause?

#countries #movement #workers #areas #cities
Some people think that good
health
 is very important to every
person
, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies .Do the advantages of private
health
care
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the disadvantages. It would be justifiable to state that irrespective of economical status,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
sound
health
 is every
person
's basic right. Considering
this
, it is suggested that
handling
Correct article usage
the handling
show examples
 of
health
 services should be taken out of the hands of
private
Add an article
a private
show examples
 corporation. Agreed,
non government
Add a hyphen
non-government
show examples
health
care
 has got some merits to offer yet ample unfavourable aspects thrive in its lap. The upcoming paragraphs will analyse both praiseworthy aspects and shortcomings in a more specified way. Private medical services
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 proven to be a blessing in few cases. The most plausible one is
availability
Add an article
the availability
show examples
 of experienced doctors,
state-of-the- art
Add a hyphen
state-of-the-art
show examples
 medical facilities and
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 equipment that are found very easily in private hospitals. Considering
this
, it is logical to assume that a
person
 has better scope of recovery when diagnosed and treated over here.
Further
, keeping in mind the fact that
doctors
Correct article usage
the doctors
show examples
 and nurses ratio to patients is quite low in privately owned
health
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, it would be safe to remark that mandatory attention and
care
 is dispensed to each patient which,in turn, proves beneficial for the same.
Nevertheless
,
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 side of the picture is rather grim. Indeed,when a
person
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 suffering is admitted to
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
health
 centre rather than
Add a hyphen
government-owned
show examples
government
Correct article usage
a government
show examples
 owned one, chances of getting exorbitant bills of treatment are run high. Worth noting is the fact that
instead
 of providing medical
care
, private clinics are more in minting money by doing fake and unnecessary surgeries, prescribing expensive medicines or even by treating a dead
person
 over and over again. Everyday cases of private hospital deceit
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
 by
indian
Change the capitalization
Indian
show examples
 medical association in India speak volumes of how low these hospitals have steeped for the sake of money. Another factor that goes against
such
 services is that these unaffordable for most of the public and it usually indebted whenever they have to get
healing
Add an article
the healing
show examples
 done from here. At
last
,it can be summed up that no doubt private
health
 hospitals have some merits to offer yet the demerits of it,which far outstrips the former,are surely not to be missed and
therefore
,
health
 case must not
handed
Change the verb form
be handed
show examples
 to private companies in
larger
Add an article
the larger
show examples
 public interest.
Submitted by brarraju60 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: