IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people say that we now live in ‘consumer societies’ where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #‘consumer #societies’ #money #possessions #importance #consumer #culture #role #lives
Consumerism
 grants
people
 a taste of the good
life
. Obviously, it is
also
 engaged with material possession, earning
money
 and social status in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
However
, some
people
 believe that
consumer
 culture might bring
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
show examples
 role in order to
improving
Change the verb
improve
show examples
 lives.
Although
this
 is true, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
show examples
 good
life
 could not potentially affect by
consumer
 culture.
Firstly
,
Consumerism
 has several positives which are engaged with
happy
Add an article
a happy
show examples
life
.
Moreover
, happy
life
 which is marked as acquire prestigious items or
money
 may force
people
 to work hard
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 increase their earnings. Thereby, creativity and innovation are flooding in their head as a motivational drive to earn more
money
.
For example
, the owner of
online
Correct article usage
an online
show examples
 shop who really wants to buy
iPhone
Correct article usage
an iPhone
show examples
 uses several innovations in order to raise her sale.
Secondly
, the power of
consumerism
also
 affects trading among countries and
then
 consecutively increases national domestic income.
For example
, demanding
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Japan
Replace the word
Japanese
show examples
 vehicles might rise export and
also
 encourages
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economics
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 condition.
Furthermore
, those explanations above mentioned that
consumerism
 is
stance
Add an article
a stance
the stance
show examples
 for
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 improving.
On the contrary
, good living is not always linear with
consumerism
. Some
people
 are willing to be selfish and unaware with
surrounds
Replace the word
surroundings
show examples
. They may guide their behaviour to satisfy pleasure with unlimited.
This
 act makes them
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
victim
Add an article
a victim
the victim
show examples
 of their act; certain it is followed by
unhappiness
Replace the word
unhappy
show examples
 feeling.
For instance
, chronic shopaholics never feel satisfied
of
Change the preposition
with
show examples
 their buying
although
 they already shop for doubled even tripled in a month.
Moreover
, highly concerned about
self
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
 needed might causes
people
 less care
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 condition. They do not aware and think to spend their
money
 for charity or donation for humanity probably.
Finally
, the impact, good and bad, of
consumer
 society might probably coin as
human
Add an article
a human
the human
show examples
 choice for their live improving. I believe that every person already
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 highly consideration before
dive
Change the verb form
diving
show examples
 into
consumer
 culture.
Submitted by manasvimahant on

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