IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries the average of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

#countries #people #levels #health #fitness #measures
It is true that overweight
people
 are increasing recently, resulting from
people
 spend less
time
 exercising and careless about the lifestyle they live. In
this
 essay, the causes and solutions will be illustrated. There are several reasons behind these problems.
First
,
people
 live a fast-paced life and work for a long
time
. With the limited hours,
people
 spend most of their
time
 working, sleeping, and relaxing. It means that the period after work is used for watching TV, sitting on the sofa,
instead
 of doing exercise.
Second
,
people
 lack
time
 to control and care about their diets. They are busy working and only have a little
time
 to eat,
this
 is why food in convenience stores and fast food are their priority choices.
However
,
this
 food contains less good nutritions, and only high fat, sugar and calories, leading to the increased weight of
people
.
As a result
, the awareness of lifestyle causes a lot of problems to human bodies. To address these problems, there are some measures that
people
 can carry out.
Initially
, governments should elevate the public's awareness of a healthy lifestyle.
For example
, holding campaigns on health topics. According to the latest and official statistics conducted by the Ministry of the Interior in Taiwan, the numbers of overweight or unnormal weight
people
 decreased by 20% after participating in health-related activities or speeches. Another way to solve
this
 problem is constructing more training fields in megacities. Some researchers had pointed out that
people
 who live in the metropolitan areas have insufficient places to exercise,  which makes them decline their
time
 on fitting bodies. If the government spends more money on building new places
such
 as gyms, parks or provide community bicycles to make more options for them. These ways might increase
people
's willingness to work out more because these places are near their houses. In conclusion, it is an imperative issue that
people
 as the whole world need to tackle as soon as possible. Many measures are useful,
although
 they can not bring tangible benefits to
people
 in the short term.
Submitted by 啵啵贊贊🐷🐰 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: