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Band 6.5

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this?

#times #growth #countries
It has been suggested that
people
 have been getting richer as the prosperous of the economy around the world, while
residents
 living in the developed nations are becoming more unhappy than they were.
This
 is an appalling result of the recession of developed countries. The lesson should be gained from
this
 trend, which is that developed locals should know how to achieve their work-life balance.
First
 of all, because the cost of living continues getting higher while the national productivity tends to decrease in the most developed countries, most individuals have to work for longer hours than their past generation in order to earn more money to afford their more expensive livelihood.
As a result
, they have been spending less leisure time with their family and friends,
thus
 resulting in a lack of intimacy and loneliness.
For example
, most office-workers who are working and living in New York say that
although
 more salaries they are able to earn nowadays through overload and monotonous work, they feel more anxious and upset than they were.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 detailed understanding of
this
 dreadful situation is that
residents
 living in developed countries should learn how to balance their life and career. Everyone should enjoy their free time by communicating with each other to satisfy their emotional and mental needs while working hard to earn more money. As an illustration, some
residents
 who were struggling with life-
workwork
Correct your spelling
work work
work-work
 a fit point out that as long as
people
 are able to attain life-work harmony, they will be happy. In conclusion,
although
people
 may vary in their opinions about the reason why
residents
 are getting unhappy despite the fact that they have more money. I think that the modern money-making lifestyle is the main reason, and
people
 should adjust their opinions about maintaining a perfect work and life balance.
Submitted by strawberry.guan on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Material wealth
  • Affluent societies
  • Social cohesion
  • Isolation and loneliness
  • Work-related stress
  • Professional expectations
  • Aspirations and reality
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainability
  • Consumerism
  • Comparison
  • Life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Community relationships
  • Sustainable development
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