IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

'We have an expression: food is not love'. Obesity these days is very common in our society. Some people believe our overeating habit and less physical exercise have left obese people to suffer from various illnesses. Discuss the solutions to remain fit.

#expression #food #love #obesity #society #people #habit #exercise #illnesses
Obesity means an excess amount of body fat. Today,
this
 disease is increasing day by day in our community. It is a medical problem that increases the risk of other diseases like- blood pressure, sugar, heart problems, and cancer. In
this
 essay, I would like to enlighten my views on the given subject. In the
first
 place, obesity is caused by
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of
excess
Replace the word
excessive
show examples
 amounts of junk food. In the past, people did not have much variety of foods. They rely more on
Correct your spelling
homemade
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home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
 food but today there are numerous options in the market like
italian
Change the capitalization
Italian
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,
chinese
Change the capitalization
Chinese
show examples
, continental, and many more. People love the
consumption
 of these meals and they are compounded by a higher level of fats and sugar which makes them obese.
Then
, the other reason is the lack of exercises, spending too much amount on sitting,
for instance
, watching television, playing video games, and extended working hours without any exercises are the causes for gaining weight. There are several solutions to prevent obesity. What is important to achieve
this
 target is self-discipline towards eating patterns and resolution to form a diet and fitness regime every day.
Furthermore
,
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of organic food ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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might be costly but not compared to the medical bills.
In addition
 to
this
, use out hours by doing exercise
instead
 of suffering on the internet. In a nutshell, The Mantra “ Health is Wealth” can be used to supply awareness by doing exercise and
consumption
 of a better diet to make the people fit.
Submitted by niksmd1991 on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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