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Writing Samples
Band 5

Online shopping is increasing dramatically. How could this trend effect our environment and the kind of jobs required?

#trend #effect #environment #jobs
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In recent years, the volume of e-commerce has increased manifolds. One major reason behind an increase in online shopping is our computers are constantly tracking our cookies and web searches,
this
Linking Words
 indicates sellers what product a specific customer is interested in. Your digital device will start showing you banners, advertisements of the product you searched in a relatively low price than what you will normally pay in your local store. The switch, from physical buying to online, has significantly affected employment in
retail
Add an article
the retail
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 sector. The profits for stores have significantly dropped.
As a result
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, stores are less busy and can now operate with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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people
Use synonyms
. Many stores in Australia went into liquidation because of
people
Use synonyms
 buying products over the internet; ‘Target Australia’ is just an example of that.
Conversely
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, Australia Post profits have increased almost four folds in
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last
Correct article usage
the last
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 ten years. These profits are a direct result of income generated through parcel deliveries.
Furthermore
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, online shopping has positively affected our environment. More often than not,
people
Use synonyms
 travel by car or
a
Correct article usage
apply
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bus to reach a shopping centre. Less carbon dioxide emissions are expelled into
air
Add an article
the air
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 as
people
Use synonyms
 use less
petro chemical
Correct your spelling
petrochemical
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 when they shop through electronic gadgets.
Secondly
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, the packaging material used is all recycle able
therefore
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 the paper and plastic can be reused. In conclusion, with an increase in online
shopping
Add a comma
,shopping
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 there will be more
Correct your spelling
manpower
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man power
Correct your spelling
manpower
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 needed in
postal
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the postal
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 delivery sector, and
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likewise
Add a comma
,likewise
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this
Linking Words
 increasing trend will help
improving
Change the verb form
to improve
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 our environment by secreting
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 chemicals into
air
Correct article usage
the air
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 and recycling packaging.
Submitted by sal.salmansaleem on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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