IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The government's investment in arts, music and theater is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theater #waste #money #governments #funds #services
One of the main
task
Change to a plural noun
tasks
show examples
 of a
government
 is to make a budget for their
country
. Depending on the circumstances and needs of the people money is allocated for different categories. There is no doubt that public services,
such
 as hospitals and schools are important for any
country
, but at the same
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 other sectors like arts, music and theatre are equally important. I completely disagree with the statement that the sitting
government
 should not invest in these areas.
To begin
 with, the
first
 major benefit of investment in
entertainment
Add an article
the entertainment
show examples
 sector is that
this
 reflects
culture
Add an article
the culture
show examples
 and the ethos of a
country
.
This
 is because folk songs, movies
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a way of
teaching
Add an article
a teaching
show examples
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 history of their forefathers. With governments' support,
this
industry
 can flourish and provide an incentive for the artists.
For instance
, during the war 1965 India Pakistan
war
Add a comma
,war
show examples
 local traditional singers went to the warzone and performed on the borders to
boast
Correct your spelling
boost
show examples
 the morale of the soldiers.
This
 strategy was extremely
helful
Correct your spelling
helpful
 in reviving nationalism in the soldiers. Another important advantage is that
bigscreens
Correct your spelling
big screens
big screen
 and stage can bring
toursists
Correct your spelling
tourists
 to a
country
, which, in turn, can contribute significantly to the national economy.
In addition
,
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 patronage of
this
industry
 will promote
soft
Correct article usage
a soft
show examples
 image of the
country
. To illustrate, people from over the world who love rap music visit the United States to attend concerts.
This
 activity generates
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heavy revenue for the
government
.
Conversely
, if
this
 important
industry
 is neglected altogether it may result in loss of economic opportunity. In conclusion, personally, I believe
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 sector is important but we cannot neglect the significance of
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 and entertainment
industry
 as it promotes
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 culture and generates revenue for the nation.
Submitted by sal.salmansaleem on

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