The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an afford to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, obesity has become a major concern. Excessive weight has adverse effects on
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
body resulting in several kinds of diseases. Eventually, the medical line is over pressured. A part of the society believes that by escalating athletics
in
Add a hyphen
in-school
show examples
school
Add an article
a school
show examples
course, the issue under consideration can be resolved. I totally agree with
this
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
as discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
with, junk food consumption has risen drastically and a majority of the population devour it on a daily basis.
For example
, canteens offer numerous options
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
fast food in educational institutions. Teenagers imbibe them regularly and
therefore
, gain a lot of pounds.
Furthermore
, as a significant portion of the children
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
their time sitting
hence
,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
turn out to be lethargic and fleshy.
As a result
, the health maintenance practitioners are overburdened. They have to work for long hours in order to research and operate for the wellness of the public. For the purpose of better health and fit
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
of
folks
Add a comma
,folks
show examples
the academies should incorporate supplementary physical activities and programs
such
as yoga, Zumba and gymnastics.
Consistent
Correct article usage
A consistent
show examples
workout would yield
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a good shape and sturdy personality. In my opinion, increases adopting various callisthenic regimes at a young age follows
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
lifespan and a refreshed mind. It has an outstanding positive impact on an individual. It should definitely be launched in time table since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it does not have any downsides. To conclude, continuous inactivity has serious repercussions on our system. To save our lives and for the welfare of physicians, the community should acclimatize to exercise and exertion.
Submitted by harsimrankaur2400 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: