IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is suggested that everyone wants to have a car, a television and a fridge. Do disadvantages of this development for society outweigh advantages?

#car #television #fridge #development #society
Possessing own cars, televisions, and fridges by every household
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 becoming particularly popular in these days;
however
, there are some people who are sceptical about the development whether it is positive or negative. Personally, I consider even though it seems to provide comfort in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
personal
life
, the repercussions of these can cause to environment and individual are immense. Admittedly, when having a personal vehicle, entertainment facility and cold food storage, the provisions tend to uplift the quality of
life
 significantly.
This
 can allow; more free time, less hard work and save money as well,
for example
, and their lives could more flexible and enjoyable. Some may
also
 argue, if these pieces of equipment were not found, they would live in an utter mess, but the environmental and personal damages caused by these products are severe and even
threat
Correct article usage
a threat
show examples
 to the earth as a whole.
On the other hand
, all the above-mentioned luxuries can be viewed in the opposite direction.
Firstly
, as every family owns personal cars, it has resulted in contamination of air,
consequently
, global warming
is erupted
Change to the active voice
erupts
has erupted
show examples
.
Similarly
, refrigerators
also
 emit poisonous gas to
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
show examples
, which
deplete
Change the verb form
depletes
show examples
Ozone
Correct article usage
the Ozone
show examples
 layer unprecedentedly.
Finally
, when a person glued
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
television, he hardly does what he supposes to do in his day-to-day
life
.
Thus
, whatever benefits
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
modern gadgets
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 usually have side effects, which tend to destroy either human’s
life
 or
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 both. In conclusion, whether having modern facilities
such
 as cars, refrigerators, and televisions has merits or demerits is argued. In my opinion, despite the comforts of these, ill-effects are certainly highlighted.
Submitted by Sal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: