Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#people #music #cultures #ages

From my perspective, I agree that it is

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effective way for

people

of distinct cultures or ages to connect together via

music

whereas I would argue that

music

also

will be a fence to bring them together. There is a compelling argument as to why

music

is taken into consideration as one of

factors

Add an article

the factors

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bringing

people

together.

To begin

with, listeners can empathy

cultural

Correct article usage

the cultural

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features of foreigners through

tranditional

Correct your spelling

traditional

songs

For instance

, in the past , foreign

people

invariably had negative attitudes to the eating style of Indian when they have used hands to eat.

However

, when some traditional eating style

songs

of the Indian spread widely,

people

in other countries begin to empathy and accept that it is

alse

Correct your spelling

also

a unique eating style.

On the other hand

, I believe that

music

is a barrier to bring them together.

Firstly

, some individuals will find it

annoysed

Correct your spelling

annoyed

to ideas of some

songs

composed by

composer

Add an article

the composer

a composer

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of other cultures. To put it another way, the

songs

contain ideas which they believe that they

brings

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bring

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ideas

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

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taking

offense

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offence

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purposes them.

Secondly

, through several

songs

with violent meanings, it is extremely to the adult to connect the children.

In other words

, due to the majority of children don't be allowed to

listen

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tolisten

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them by their parents, which is popular

Change preposition

with

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the adults, thereby the adults will make it difficult to connect

the

Change preposition

with the

show examples

children. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that not only can

music

connect

people

together, but it

also

will be a big barrier to bring them together.

Submitted by letrungthanh2002 on Fri Jun 25 2021

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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