IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Major companies use sports events to promote their product. Some people think it has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#companies #sports #events #product #people #impact
Big businesses utilize sports
competitions
 to let know their goods
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
I agree with the fact that these practices may have a bad impact on
this
 field, I think that are fundamental to allow teams to grow.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heavy
sponsorisation
Correct your spelling
sonorisation
 during sports shows reduce the quality of events. Nowadays, there are many interruptions during the match to let companies
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
introduce their products and
this
 lower the spectacularity of games because stop the
competitions
 in their best moments. To
istance
Correct your spelling
instance
distance
, during the Super Bowl in the United States the football match, even if is one the most famous
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 match in the country, is difficult to enjoy because of advertisements that
interupt
Correct your spelling
interrupt
 the game a lot of times.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, the amount of money which is spent by firms to publicize their goods is essential to the surviving of world's
competitions
.
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
 sums are used to create big events with attract
milion
Correct your spelling
millions
 of people and to pay players and supplier. Without these contributes, we could not assist
a spectacular
Correct the article-noun agreement
spectacular competitions
a spectacular competition
show examples
competitions
 like World Cup or European tournament.
For example
, Coca Cola has invested
bilion
Correct your spelling
billions
billion
 of dollars during its life to be shown in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronic advertisement on football pitches and to be promoted by the most famous football players in the world like Cristiano Ronaldo and Bale. To conclude, even if
this
 practice may
considered
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
 boring and
in contrast
 with sports values, it is the main resource of money for
this
 sector and is the principal factor which permits the development and the sustenance of
this
 area.
Submitted by andreacorbelli30 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: