IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

#people #information #research #business #world
Some people hold that the creation of knowledge is totally worthy, and it should be openly published in various spheres. Others contend that not all
information
 should be freely shared as some
information
 is crucial and valuable. To commence with, it is true that well-educated societies can help to prosper and develop countries. It has been proven that in unequal and developing states only well-off people can attend universities or
easily
Replace the word
easy
show examples
 access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the Internet, which contains massive resources to learn and be well-informed. If
this
 situation continues being perpetrated, inequalities will never end.
Moreover
, many researchers have noted that developed countries see the share of
information
 as part of the democracy as citizens from different social classes have the right to read academic papers or reports written by companies. From the detractors’ viewpoint, the share of
information
 might have detrimental effects on the gains of the authors of the
information
.
For instance
, there is a great debate about how much academics currently earn as many of them protest demanding
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
better salaries. The free publication of
information
 might worse
this
 situation as authors,
such
 as
scientifics
Correct your spelling
scientific
 and academics, will be receiving
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 credits and
therefore
 their incomes will decrease. According to
this
 perspective, the fact of publishing much
information
 can result in unfairness. Considering both opinions, I am convinced that there are benefits and disadvantages to widely share
information
. I think that steps should be taken to promote the divulgation of
information
, but at the same time to give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
credit and reward those who create valuable
information
. Summing up, I firmly believe that we need to make our societies highly informed to bring unequal gaps, and give a fair
acknowledgment
Change the spelling
acknowledgement
show examples
 to authors.
Submitted by yancyvillarroelosorio on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
Look at other essays: