Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose.Discuss both views and give your opinion

Sports

play a vital role in everyone's

life

, which improves physical and mental health tremendously. Despite the belief that everyone has the freedom to choose their sport, it is

also

necessary to consider the

risk

Fix the agreement mistake

risks

show examples

involved in them.

This

essay will discuss why it is required to put an end to some of the games which are hazardous. Some of the

life

-threatening

sports

should be considered for a complete ban. By doing so, we can avoid loss of

lives

and prevent more unfortunate events from happening, in the playground.

For instance

, Freediving,

Big

Correct word choice

and Big

show examples

wave surfing

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

considered to be the most dangerous and are a major threat to human

life

itself. For illustration, if you consider games like horse racing, Hen

fight

Wrong verb form

fighting

show examples

, bullfighting,

Bull

Correct word choice

and Bull

show examples

riding are

also

considered more dangerous because

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

not only

puts

Correct subject-verb agreement

put

show examples

the

lives

of the human beings involved in the competition in danger but

also

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that

Correct determiner usage

those

show examples

of the animals involved in the activity. It is not fair, to keep the

lives

such

species in danger, because if we keep engaging animals in

sports

and continue, eventually it will become extinct.

Therefore

, it is required to put an end card to some of these risk-involved

sports

. Every person has their own right to choose the sport of their choice. Some people will have the mentality of exploring things and experiencing all

sort

Fix the agreement mistake

sorts

show examples

of thrill in

life

For instance

, people will be thrilled to enjoy

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

free fall, high mountain climbing etc which is more exciting and keeps your mind and body intact and enables them to work faster.

However

, it is

also

necessary to keep safety in mind before engaging in all sorts of fun, which keeps our

lives

uncertain. In conclusion, Everyone has the right to choose their sport ,

however

, there are quite a few athletics which are fatal and

needs

Correct subject-verb agreement

need

show examples

to be prohibited, so that we can avoid too many accidents in

this

field. In my opinion, Safety comes

first,

sports

should be for physical fitness and a happy mind, so it is our responsibility to take ownership of our

lives

and enjoy

life

without keeping ourselves in unsafe

situation

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

show examples

Submitted by chigurupati on Sat Jun 26 2021

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task response

Your essay addresses the topic by discussing both views on dangerous sports but lacks a clear position in the opinion statement. Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some sentences are repetitive and do not contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. Try to use transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

358 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose.Discuss both views and give your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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