IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

1. Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. "Prevention is better than cure." Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#argument #case #reader #specialist #topic #prevention #cure #country #health #budget #proportion #treatment #education #measures
In some countries,
students
 in the
university
 could now be able to select their own
subjects
 which resulted in the lacks of
science
 knowledge among graduate
students
. In
this
 essay, I will be discussing the causes and the effects of it
toward
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society of
this
 topical problem. There are several reasons for the changes in the way learners choose their
subjects
.
Firstly
, universities are now focused on developing the student’s future career to
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
 the unemployment rate of the city.
Secondly
, some foreign
students
 find
science
 lessons quite difficult for them to follow because different countries have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
different ways of teaching
science
.
Thus
, the fail percentage of these lessons often are very high and their
students
 could not be able to graduate, so the
university
 decided to turn
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 into optional
subjects
.
Thirdly
, most learners go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
 only to have a better job opportunity when they graduated.
As a result
, they only want to learn
subjects
 which will be helpful for their future career.
Moreover
, the lacks of
science
subjects
 in the list of compulsory courses had led to some consequences for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. The shortage of human resources
such
 as professors or researchers in the lab is one of the main reasons which could delay the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Furthermore
, the disappearance of several jobs which require knowledge about physics or chemist
such
 as making electronic components could be a huge loss for the community because these jobs are the foundation of other jobs.
For example
, in my country there are only a few learners
chose
Correct pronoun usage
who chose
show examples
 Physics lessons when they were studying at their
university
 so we had to import plenty of electronic parts from other countries. In conclusion, while there are many factors
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 turned
science
subjects
 into an optional choice among
university
students
, it is undeniable that
this
 change will make a considerable impact on the community.
Submitted by huangjiancong863 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • chronic diseases
  • health education
  • lifestyle choices
  • health outcomes
  • vaccinations
  • screenings
  • early detection
  • financial burden
  • public health
  • allocating funds
  • immediate healthcare needs
  • balanced approach
  • holistic healthcare system
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