IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#year #crime #rate #increases #rise #activity
In recent years, there has been a conspicuous
increase
 in the
crime
rate
. There are many
causes
 that could lead to
such
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal behaviour among the community. In the following lines, the suggested
causes
 and recommended
solutions
 from my point of view will be discussed thoroughly.
To begin
 with, there are many
causes
 which could lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 the
crime
 numbers.
Firstly
, families could play an essential role
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
rate
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society. To illustrate, any source of damage in the fabric of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society could affect children negatively.
For example
, in a scientific paper, a study showed figures that more than 60% of prisoners are originated from separated parents.
Secondly
, the
increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
rate
 of unemployment in many countries is reflected
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
crime
rate
.
For instance
, people who do not have a permanent job.
As a result
, they suffer from many financial issues which lead them to break the law searching for money.
On the other hand
, there are many
solutions
 to overcome the issue of increasing
this
 criminal activity. From my perspective, I believe that many organizations
such
 as, human rights or other charity organizations should play a vital role in rehabilitation for children who suffer from family issues.
Also
, governments should facilitate more job offers for
fresh
Change the adjective
freshly
show examples
 graduated students.
Moreover
, community’s companies should involve them in
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 training programs. Having
showed
Change the verb form
shown
show examples
 both reasons and
solutions
 along with my opinion, it can be concluded that, families’ problems and lack of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
permanent work are the main
causes
 of the
increase
 in the
crime
rate
.
However
, there are many
solutions
 include the role of the government to facilitate job offers as well as organizations in help children to grow in
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 environment.
Submitted by yahyagamal2010 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: