IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on our children. To what extent do you agree?

#computer #effects #children
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In recent years, there has been a heated argument about
excessive
Correct article usage
the excessive
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use
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 of
computers
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. While some people claim that using
computers
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 has more negative than positive impacts on
children
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, there are others who do not think that. From my own point
view
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of view
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, I believe that the undue
use
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 of
computers
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 can harm
children
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 in many ways, but these gadgets are
also
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 important for their success.
This
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 essay will examine both sides of the argument before reaching a concrete decision. On the one hand,
computers
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 have their drawbacks. To clarify, the daily
use
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 of
such
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 devices to play games and watch movies makes
quite
Correct pronoun usage
it quite
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 normal for offspring to get addicted to them.
Also
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, if they spend too much time on their
computers
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, they will lose their focus on
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
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.
In addition
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,
children
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 who
use
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 the computer for long hours are more likely to develop health problems
such
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 as obesity because of their sedentary lifestyle. Another factor is that excessive screen time can
also
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 cause eyesight problems in
children
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.
On the other hand
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, in
this
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 age when
computers
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 are used in all spheres of life, it is foolish to stop youngsters from using them.
In other words
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, they need computer skills to be able to find good jobs. What is more, they need
computers
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 to even score good marks in exams.
Moreover
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,
instead
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 of preventing
children
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 from using
computers
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, parents and teachers should encourage moderate
use
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.
For example
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, /
for
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instance
Add a comma
,instance
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children
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 should be allowed to
use
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 the
computers
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 for just one or two hours a day. If used wisely,
computers
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 and the internet help young students with their studies. To sum up, after analyzing both sides of the argument it is not hard to see that moderate
use
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 of
computers
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 has more
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
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 than negative effects on
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by yahyagamal2010 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
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