Should we create more socially mixed residential areas where rich people live next to poor people, instead of in separate communities?

#areas #people #communities

A highly controversial issue today relates to whether

have

Fix the infinitive

to have

show examples

more socially mixed residential areas where rich

people

live next to poorer

population

Fix the agreement mistake

populations

show examples

instead

of in separate communities. In

this

essay, I am going to examine

this

question from both points of view and explain why I believe that we should create more socially mixed residential places. There are

people

who argue that the benefits of living in neighbourhoods

that

Correct word choice

where

show examples

you could find rich

people

and poorer crowd in the same place considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing

this

is immigrants. They do not have money to live next to wealthier

as a result

the immigrants must live in

suburbs

Correct article usage

the suburbs

show examples

. some of them go crazy and that’s why we can hear about

terrorist

Fix the agreement mistake

terrorists

show examples

and attacks on the European lifestyle. If we create more socially mixed residential areas. It is

also

possible to say that differences in

this

way may be a point that could separate

people

. One good illustration of

this

situation is some of them go crazy and that’s why we

can

Verb problem

apply

show examples

hear about terrorist

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

attacks.

On the other hand

, others believe that opinions

Change preposition

show examples

mixed

condos

Fix the agreement mistake

condo

show examples

space could be positive.

People

often have

this

opinion because there is a lot of information around the world saying that

conditionals

Replace the word

conditions

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like equality for everyone might be a good way

whereas

there are no differences. A particularly good example here is about our children. So that they would see their friends’ lifestyle and aim at it in the future. These poor children would be able to learn in normal schools, become educated and reach their target. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance,

however

, I feel that we need to decrease the number of problems related to poor

people

and immigrants. We should create more socially mixed residential areas, where wealthier

people

live alongside poorer

people

instead

of in separate communities.

Submitted by Amanda Monteiro on Sun Jun 27 2021

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task achievement

Although the essay attempts both sides of the argument, there is a lack of clarity and preciseness overall. Ideas are presented, but they are neither well-developed nor thoroughly supported with specific examples. For improvement, work on expanding your key points with clear, relevant examples and ensuring each paragraph sticks to a single main idea that is well explored.

coherence cohesion

Your essay shows some organization, but there are issues with the logical flow and overall cohesion. Paragraphs seem disjointed, with ideas presenting abruptly. Use a clear topic sentence for each paragraph, and ensure all sentences within the paragraph connect logically to this topic sentence. Transition words should guide the reader gently from one point to the next. In addition, the conclusion, while present, could be strengthened by succinctly summarizing the main points before stating the final position.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

317 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Should we create more socially mixed residential areas where rich people live next to poor people, instead of in separate communities?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Some school leavers choose to travel or work for a year before going to university. What might be the reasons for this? What are the disadvantages of this practice? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward student who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Do you think that people who work online at home are more productive than office workers or the other way around? Give reasons and examples to support your answer.