IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#year #crime #rate #increases #rise #activity
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It is universally accepted that the rate of crimes increasing every year. From my perspective, I believe that the main causes associated with uneducated
people
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 and the awareness to how
protect
Add the particle
to protect
show examples
 ourselves. The main solutions are adding an additional classis about protection and allowing each child to go to school.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is commonly believed that a huge number of
Use synonyms
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
 activity is happening all around the world because of
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
uneducated children and the lack of awareness. Many kids
raise
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raised
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 in an uneasy life with unknowledge
people
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.
Therefore
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, they choose to take the
crime
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 path to gain money and to live a suitable life.
In addition
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, peoples do not know how to protect themselves to face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, children should be allowed to
attendee
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attend
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 school and must raise
people
Use synonyms
's knowledge of protection. In the same way, if peoples focus on the importance of education from a young age, the rate of
crime
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 will decrease.
Moreover
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, the governments should spread that attending protection classes
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 boxing and judo will help to decrease the
crime
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 issues.
For example
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, in
China
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,China
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 it is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essential thing for children to learn how to protect themselves. In conclusion, the main causes of crimes are the lack of knowledge and the importance of education and how to deal with it. Kids should be allowed to go to school and
people
Use synonyms
 must be aware about learning and studying are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
helpful ways to protect ourselves and others.
Submitted by yahyagamal2010 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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