Many people are copying famous celebrities from magazines and TV. Why is this happening? Do you think it's a good idea to copy celebrities?

#people #celebrities #magazines #tv #idea #copy

Across the world, some

people

try to imitate different

celebrities

This

could be for the superficial

that is

people

today. In my opinion, I believe that can be negative try to be like a famous

people

especially because youngers want to have fancy items without thought the consequences.

Firstly

, It is considered by many that famous

people

are good for our young person, but there are other

thing

Change the wording

things

show examples

that is

better imitate.

For instance

, in my country,

lastly

Add a comma

,lastly

show examples

people

are more superficial than ten years ago

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because many time is

importan

Correct your spelling

important

buy

Change the article

the

show examples

last

iPhone that

help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

other

Correct pronoun usage

others

show examples

this

is a consequence of advertisement and Tv shows.

Although

important

Change the adjective

importantly

show examples

mentioned

Change the verb form

to mention

show examples

that there are

celebrities

that try to learn thing like stay against bullying.

Secondly

, It is often thought that if you are like

Correct the article-noun agreement

a celebrity

celebrities

show examples

celebrities

you can be accepted by your near

people

, but

this

can be bad for our lives because there are

many

Replace the quantifier

much

show examples

inequality

Change to a plural noun

inequalities

show examples

, if we speak about salary, is a big problem because

people

don't have enough money to pay luxury.

For example

, in my city is more essential

buy

Fix the infinitive

to buy

show examples

a good car

Replace the word

show examples

celebrities

show on tv like help other

people

Furthermore

, all

people

are different with different qualities and skills

that

Change the verb form

are

show examples

better be distinct. In conclusion, I can say

that is

a bad idea

try

Fix the infinitive

to try

show examples

to copy

Change preposition

apply

show examples

celebrities

because we can have

Change the article

the

show examples

worst world, superficial and we can

contribuited

Correct your spelling

contribute

contributed

to other more important things like help others than try to waste money in

lastly

items that in tv show the

celebrities

Submitted by roberto.carrascopizarro on Mon Jun 28 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic 10. In some countries older people are being encouraged to work longer and not to retire. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working beyond retirement age.

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?