‘Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity.’ How far do you share this viewpoint?

Some
people
think that every member of society should donate. In my view, I disagree with those
people
and I will explain why. The main obstacle appears to be the number of recipients of
charity
higher than
people
who raise funds. Especially in low or middle-income countries
such
as Mongolia where
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
people
tends to rely on welfare from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
or other institution. Those who
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
charity
don’t like to do a job and it can eventually stifle economic growth.
This
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
to demonstrate that constant
charity
can
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
a bad effect on both sides. A
further
issue is that most
people
don’t have enough income for the regular
charity
. I understand it is defends on economic status but those who reached financial freedom may give a fixed amount of money permanently.
Final
Correct article usage
The final
show examples
point is that donation should be
voluntarily
Change the word
voluntary
show examples
not forced by someone. Every
people
have a right to spend their own money. If we
obliged
Wrong verb form
oblige
show examples
someone it is not a fund, it is a robbery. I agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
people
think differently, saying that donations help insufficient ones and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
society better.
This
is true but continual
charity
is a potentially unwise viewpoint, especially in
this
economic
Change the adjective
economically
show examples
unstable situation.
To conclude
, I believe that financial problems and receivers are the main causes of a fixed donation
why
Correct word choice
which
show examples
would not work in real life.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: