IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion?

#people #men #women #job #jobs
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, as female power increases, lots of people believe that males and
females
Use synonyms
 have the same power including family rights, social status and career opportunities.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is generally claimed that
women
Use synonyms
 should be able to do any job if they want.
However
Linking Words
, others
also
Linking Words
 believe that some
jobs
Use synonyms
 can not be done by
females
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as heavy
jobs
Use synonyms
. I personally agree with the idea that
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 are equal
therefore
Linking Words
 they should be able to choose suitable
jobs
Use synonyms
 for themselves. There are a number of strong arguments to support the idea that not only are some
jobs
Use synonyms
 suitable for
women
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 be done better by
women
Use synonyms
 than
men
Use synonyms
. Some
jobs
Use synonyms
 should be carefully done by people
in addition
Linking Words
 to
women
Use synonyms
 having these advantages over
men
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, children’s growth needs to be taken care of carefully by
teachers
Use synonyms
 which is why many female
teachers
Use synonyms
 in schools. Female
teachers
Use synonyms
 have patience more than male
teachers
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can find some small mistakes and details in the students’ study lives.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 do some
jobs
Use synonyms
 more suitable than
men
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are some important reasons to agree with the idea that some
jobs
Use synonyms
 should have some
women
Use synonyms
 join with.
For example
Linking Words
, it is generally believed that police have heavy
jobs
Use synonyms
 because they often have to stop crimes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when policemen meet female crimes, they have some issues
such
Linking Words
 as checking bags and searching. If they were
females
Use synonyms
 at that time, both crimes and police would have been convenient and less embarrassing.
As a result
Linking Words
, some
jobs
Use synonyms
 should be done by
females
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
women
Use synonyms
 cannot be defined.
Thus
Linking Words
, they have the right to choose their like
jobs
Use synonyms
 even though some work may be hard for them. They
also
Linking Words
 can try it
in addition
Linking Words
 to working hard to do the job.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses the task prompt by presenting a clear opinion throughout the essay. Incorporate a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints before solidifying your stance in the conclusion. Enhance your essay by specifying your opinion early in the introduction to guide the reader more effectively.
coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on improving the logical flow between paragraphs by using a wider range of cohesive devices. Transition words such as 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'on the other hand' can help clarify the relationship between ideas. Also, aim to present your ideas more cohesively by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples or explanations.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: