It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy. Do you agree or disagree?

#people

this

century, the trend of finding jobs in society has been significantly changed by several factors. Some

people

believe that doing their dream career is the key to a successful life.

Moreover

, They are willing to be unemployed until they find a suitable

job

that makes them satisfied as much as possible.

However

, I personally disagree with

this

statement as I realize how

this

idea can cause negative effects

Change preposition

show examples

the economic segment and individuals financially. There are many reasons why

people

should not reject a

job

position just because it does not give them happiness.

Firstly

, if

people

still need to work just the only

job

they love, it would cause jobless issues, which can increase the criminal rate, in their country. Take Thailand as an example, the cost of living has risen since the economy got worse and many companies had to make a decision to fire their employees.

Consequently

, the best way to deal with

this

situation is not to make so many conditions about jobs as a human who still relies on money

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

Secondly

, I believe

people

still enjoy their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

whether their jobs are

satisfied

Replace the word

satisfactory

show examples

or not because happiness can come in many different forms and depends on individuals.

For example

, there are so many scientists who love art which is very different from their careers, but they are always pleased since they still always make time for drawing, painting and visiting art museums in their leisure time.

To sum up

, it seems to me that

people

can make time for entertainment and something they love.

Therefore

, the first priority in life is not a pleasurable

job

probably

Correct word choice

but probably

show examples

the

job

that can make you survive in

this

chaotic world.

Submitted by nitchakarn.son on Tue Jun 29 2021

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Improve the organization of ideas to have a more coherent structure and logical sequence of arguments.

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Ensure that all points raised in the prompt are addressed effectively and provide clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant and specific examples.

Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

transnational problems
climate change
ozone layer depletion
pollution
collaborative efforts
pooling of resources
expertise
technology
innovative solutions
international standards
race to the bottom
environmental standards
capacity
impacts
national sovereignty
independently
economic
social contexts
international consensus
legal
political systems
enforcement

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It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

It is important for people to take risks, both in their Professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Tourism is one of thw fastest growing industries and contributes a great deal to economies around the world. However, the damage tourism can cause to local cultures and the environment is often ignored. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion?

Some people think that you can only learn about the cultures of different places by traveling there. Other people think that you can learn just as much about these places from reading books and watching travel documentaries about them. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.