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Money can bring people happiness but, in fact, there are more important reasons for a person’s happiness. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#money #people #happiness #fact #person’s
Money
 is often a source of happiness for many
people
 but I feel there are other ways
people
 can be happy
such
 as by spending
time
 with family, their
health
, friends I feel these factors are more important when considering a
person
's overall satisfaction. It is true
money
 can be a way for
people
 to measure success and happiness as it can bring financial freedom,
thus
 allowing
people
 to spend more
time
 doing things they enjoy. I have a friend who is financially very secure and he spends much of his
time
 travelling and spending
time
 with his family which he would not
otherwise
 be able to do. I strongly believe,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 that despite
this
 benefit,
money
 can often be the source of great dissatisfaction, too.
People
 can be jealous of your wealth and relationships can degrade
as a result
. Being rich is known to be a destructive influence on many
people
's marriage and family life. There are, in my opinion, more important reasons why
people
 are happy. The most obvious is when friends and family have a positive influence on a
person
's life. Spending quality
time
 with those you love can bring much joy to a
person
. Not only
this
, having a healthy body and mind can
also
 bring great satisfaction.
Health
 problems can lead to ongoing periods of depression and anxiety as
people
 are very often influenced by their
health
. In conclusion, while it is true that
money
 can have some limited positive impact on
people
's lives, it can
also
 bring problems related to envy. It is my view that a
person
's opportunity to be with friends, family and to have good
health
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
much better
paths
Fix the agreement mistake
path
show examples
 to happiness.
Submitted by nitchakarn.son on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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