IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some poeple believe that is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, businees and the academic world. Other believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

#poeple #information #research #businees #world
The use of electronic
media
 has a negative impact on
personal
Add an article
the personal
a personal
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 between
people
. Being focus on electronic
devices
people
 lose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal contact between them and step by step they become strangers each for other.
This
 is because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronic
media
 changed a lot the
people
’s minds and nowadays, it seems more natural to spend most of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 surfing the internet than communicate with relatives, colleagues, and friends. Even in
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
family
Add a comma
,family
show examples
 the partners can not speak for hours, being interested
what
Change preposition
in what
show examples
 happens
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
network
Correct article usage
the network
show examples
 world,
also
 to keep children busy, most
of
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apply
show examples
parents
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the parents
show examples
 allow them to play different games on the notebook. Using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronic
devices
 become a part of daily routine and some
people
 do not imagine how to live without
cell
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a cell
show examples
 phone or computer.
This
 is mean that a person can not live
long
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a long
show examples
time
 without
media
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
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 mobile phone but can live without friends.
This
is show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that
media
 become part of our life and important like air.
Young
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The young
show examples
 generation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more affected by
media
 than
older
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the older
an older
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 one. In the
past
Add a comma
,past
show examples
people
 had
quite
Add an article
a quite
show examples
 different life and one of the used
media
 was the calculator
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 heavy computer with limited software. So, they spent a lot of
time
 communicating together, enjoying quality
time
 outside and it seems they felt not just physical presents but moral too. In past,
people
 used to organise outside games and picnics,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 in actual
time
. To explain
this
, I would like to mention that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation practically
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 all their
time
 on the
electronics
Replace the word
electronic
show examples
media
, like
Add an article
a notebook
show examples
notebook
Fix the agreement mistake
notebooks
show examples
, mobile phones, gadgets, and so on…So,
this
 is worrying a lot, because if in one day all electronic
media
 will disappear,
then
 the young generation will not be able to manage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 ways.
Likewise
, the absence of electronic
devices
 will be affected them much. Overview, I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 that electronic
media
 affect our relationships and it depends on us to limit the dependence on them, trying to spend more
time
 together with
people
, not together with
devices
.
Submitted by avoalbu on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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