IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

PEOPLE who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #career #path #lives #life #change #jobs
I agree
with
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apply
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that people
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that person
those people
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 who
decides
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decide
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 on a
career
path
 early and insists on will have a better working satisfying
finally
. On the one hand, involve in a working field early can become
a
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an
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 expert
of
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in
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this
 field early. As we all know, most
of
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apply
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companies or institutions around the world are hard to enrol senior workers but easy to recruit many junior workers.
This
 means that senior
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 will receive
higher
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a higher
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salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
. People who started a job earlier and familiar
in
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with
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 it will receive higher job
satisfying
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satisfaction
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 earlier.
On the other hand
, keep working
in
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on
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 a
career
path
 can broaden
horizon
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the horizon
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 of a
career
.
For example
, Bruce Lee, a martial artist, who
learning
Change the form of the verb
learned
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 well in the Kung FU, had become a widely known movie star work-wide
finally
. But in the beginning, he just studied martial art for boxing games. So, keep working
in
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on
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 a specific
path
 will make more possibles and enlarge the boundary of work
finally
.
However
, people change jobs frequently will hard to become a specialist. When they start
another jobs
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another job
other jobs
show examples
 as a junior worker, they need to compete with colleagues who are younger and who may have
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 probability to have promotion opportunities. Apart from
this
 peer pressure, they
also
 anxious about
achievements
Correct article usage
the achievements
show examples
 of their lives. Some of them may already 40 years old but nothing in their
career
 can be proud of. In conclusion, it is better to decide
a
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on a
show examples
career
path
 as early as possible and keep working on it.
Submitted by huangjiancong863 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
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