IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

PEOPLE who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #career #path #lives #life #change #jobs
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I agree
with
Change preposition
apply
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that people
Change the determiner
that person
those people
show examples
 who
decides
Change the verb form
decide
show examples
 on a
career
Use synonyms
path
Use synonyms
 early and insists on will have a better working satisfying
finally
Linking Words
. On the one hand, involve in a working field early can become
a
Change the article
an
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 expert
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 field early. As we all know, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies or institutions around the world are hard to enrol senior workers but easy to recruit many junior workers.
This
Linking Words
 means that senior
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 will receive
higher
Add an article
a higher
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salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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. People who started a job earlier and familiar
in
Change preposition
with
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 it will receive higher job
satisfying
Replace the word
satisfaction
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 earlier.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, keep working
in
Change preposition
on
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 a
career
Use synonyms
path
Use synonyms
 can broaden
horizon
Add an article
the horizon
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 of a
career
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Bruce Lee, a martial artist, who
learning
Change the form of the verb
learned
show examples
 well in the Kung FU, had become a widely known movie star work-wide
finally
Linking Words
. But in the beginning, he just studied martial art for boxing games. So, keep working
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a specific
path
Use synonyms
 will make more possibles and enlarge the boundary of work
finally
Linking Words
.
However
Linking Words
, people change jobs frequently will hard to become a specialist. When they start
another jobs
Replace the adjective
another job
other jobs
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 as a junior worker, they need to compete with colleagues who are younger and who may have
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 probability to have promotion opportunities. Apart from
this
Linking Words
 peer pressure, they
also
Linking Words
 anxious about
achievements
Correct article usage
the achievements
show examples
 of their lives. Some of them may already 40 years old but nothing in their
career
Use synonyms
 can be proud of. In conclusion, it is better to decide
a
Change preposition
on a
show examples
career
Use synonyms
path
Use synonyms
 as early as possible and keep working on it.
Submitted by huangjiancong863 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
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