IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

PEOPLE who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #career #path #lives #life #change #jobs
I agree
with
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apply
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that people
Change the determiner
that person
those people
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 who
decides
Change the verb form
decide
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 on a
career
path
 early and insists on will have a better working satisfying
finally
. On the one hand, involve in a working field early can become
a
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an
show examples
 expert
of
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in
show examples
this
 field early. As we all know, most
of
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apply
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companies or institutions around the world are hard to enrol senior workers but easy to recruit many junior workers.
This
 means that senior
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 will receive
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
. People who started a job earlier and familiar
in
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with
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 it will receive higher job
satisfying
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satisfaction
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 earlier.
On the other hand
, keep working
in
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on
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 a
career
path
 can broaden
horizon
Add an article
the horizon
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 of a
career
.
For example
, Bruce Lee, a martial artist, who
learning
Change the form of the verb
learned
show examples
 well in the Kung FU, had become a widely known movie star work-wide
finally
. But in the beginning, he just studied martial art for boxing games. So, keep working
in
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on
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 a specific
path
 will make more possibles and enlarge the boundary of work
finally
.
However
, people change jobs frequently will hard to become a specialist. When they start
another jobs
Replace the adjective
another job
other jobs
show examples
 as a junior worker, they need to compete with colleagues who are younger and who may have
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 probability to have promotion opportunities. Apart from
this
 peer pressure, they
also
 anxious about
achievements
Correct article usage
the achievements
show examples
 of their lives. Some of them may already 40 years old but nothing in their
career
 can be proud of. In conclusion, it is better to decide
a
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on a
show examples
career
path
 as early as possible and keep working on it.
Submitted by huangjiancong863 on

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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