IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that punishment is the best way to teach children to behave well, while others disagree and point out that rewarding and praising them is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #punishment #children #point
A highly controversial issue relates to whether to punish juveniles for their behaviour or not. In
this
 essay, I am going to examine
this
 question from both points of view and
then
 give my own perspective on the matter. There are people who argue that the benefits of punishment considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing
this
 is that
kids
 will probably learn from
pasts
Correct your spelling
past
show examples
 mistakes and will try to avoid committing these in the future again. It is
also
 possible to say that they always will think before executing some tasks that could put them in a dangerous situation. One good illustration of
this
 is at school where
kids
 could have their computers and game consoles blocked if they did not achieve a good score.
On the other hand
, others believe that saying good words
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their youngsters could work well. It is often argued that conversation is an efficient way to improve youngster comportment. People often have
this
 opinion because
kids
 should be encouraged by their parents to act well and learn from
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
mature people who are models to be followed. A second point is that children still are in their learning process and adults need to have
this
 idea in mind and have the patience to treat them. A Particularly good example here is in sports where
kids
 receive medals
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
demonstration
Correct article usage
a demonstration
show examples
 of reward for their work. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
, I feel that adults should have patience and praise their children looking
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
 improvement.
This
 is because youngsters need someone to watch and give them support in spite of making them feel fear.
Submitted by silvio_mendonca on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Focus on using specific and relevant examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your main points are connected in a clear and logical manner throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more accurately and precisely.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and use a variety of grammatical structures to add complexity to your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: