IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from the school. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?

#education #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that family
education
Use synonyms
 influences us better than school
education
Use synonyms
. It seems to me that the most important foundation of
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 we become in the future depends on what kind of family we grew up with and what we were doing with.
Firstly
Linking Words
, family
education
Use synonyms
 is the base
education
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
 can be the
first
Linking Words
 teachers we meet. Each member of the family has their own characteristics and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Children
Use synonyms
 can easily absorb it, especially from their
parents
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
children
Use synonyms
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 usually are visual learners. They learn everything through their observation skills. If
children
Use synonyms
 grow up in hazardous situations, they have mental breakdowns in consciousness. They avoid others and prefer to be alone. Growing up in a loving and caring family leads to better mental health for
children
Use synonyms
. They can have fun with others and can easily find friends.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 can be the main inspiration for their
children
Use synonyms
. The study shows that what
parents
Use synonyms
 do is pivotal for their
children
Use synonyms
's development. It
also
Linking Words
 assessed that childhood experience reflects on self-regulation and self-emotional skills once they grow up.
In particular
Linking Words
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 have better engage with their
parents
Use synonyms
 and do activities
such
Linking Words
 as reading books, visiting museums and going to parks can make a positive difference compared to
children
Use synonyms
 who do not do anything with their
parents
Use synonyms
. Admittedly, I agree that school
education
Use synonyms
 is the main opportunity for
children
Use synonyms
 to socialize and have academic
education
Use synonyms
 through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
qualified teachers. Despite
this
Linking Words
, it seems that
children
Use synonyms
 spend most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time with their family and it has to be the main role for their lives. To summarize, family involvement in
children
Use synonyms
’s
education
Use synonyms
 is an essential part of what kind of person they become. Both family background and childhood experiences determine mental and physical health.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • savings
  • investing
  • tax obligations
  • retirement planning
  • loans
  • credit
  • interest rates
  • crowded curricula
  • traditional academic subjects
  • real-life experiences
  • parental guidance
  • practical
  • intellectually rigorous
  • school syllabus
  • gig economy
  • income-streams
  • challenging
  • trained teachers
  • specialized field
What to do next:
Look at other essays: